Wrapping Artist, Medical Practitioner, Sock. Is there anything this man can’t do?
(I seriously had no inclination there was a game happening yesterday until this morning. IN YOUR FACE, BOSTON. I AM FREE. Someday I’ll be all, “Jason Variwho? Pedro Martinwhat? I can’t recall those gentlemen at all.”)
Heavily favored team Gonzaga University has a player named Bol Kong. That whole institution is seriously a wealth of pronunciation goodfuntimes! Bol Kong, Gonzaga. Bol Kong, Gonzaga. Bol Kong, Gonzaga. I think if you repeat it enough you can remove a villager’s flaming, still-beating heart and and he will bleat an incomprehensible plea of thanks before falling over dead. Just an assumption though, do not try at home!!! Free throws and assists, you guys, Happy March Marchness !
An eagle-eyed reader told me that that last briquette actually had nothing to do with basketball. Someone should tell Jezebelles. But also, now I REALLY don’t get why people care so much. I filled out a real brickabrack just now based on sheer intuition, and heavily favoring people I’ve never heard of or words with x’s or z’s in them or words I liked. Also, I thought Old Dominion might take it all because of their tough name, but they just do not make me smile the way saying “Gonzaga” does. Gonzaga. Gonzaga. “Play in Winner” has “winner” right in the name but that seems like cheating. Let’s keep this on a level playing court you guys. OH! Also fun to say, in it’s own way: Wofford. Wofford. Wofford. Try a British accent. Wofford. So fun, right? Is that school in England? That’s probably advantage, if they’re affiliated with Hogwarts, like a finishing school.
Anyways, I know that the Murray State v. Vanderbilt game already happened, but I just didn’t buy the outcome. Didn’t feel “real” to me, you know? You know. We’ll see what the history books have to say about THAT game.
Why are people talking about undergraduate basketballs? I found this March Mentally Incapacitated chart on JezebelDOTCOM and I don’t know whose mascot Birthday cake is but I would like to bet all the chips on the team Birthday cake. Probably Harvard? They’re smart enough to choose that cake. Birthday cake for a four-pointer! Hook hook! Nothing but oven!
here is a child recapping the game i attended. sweet sassy molassy! i think you should all just watch this and we’ll all think our private thoughts about it and not share them. because sometimes you have to just be an adult and rise above things, but they also have to be seen because come on.
p.s. i would like take this opportunity to thank time for youtube not existing when i was 14.
a poll taken by the big, orwellian mega board while i was at yankee stadium:
which yankee with two first names is your favorite?
a. elston howard
b. tommy john
c. johnny damon
bad news, big brother. elston howard only has one name and it is howard. “elston” sounds like an above ground texas public transport system.
also, johnny damon (not related to matt, lame), who i had presumed dead after leaving the new england red socks: not dead! i may have yelled, “i forgive you johnny damon, i can be bought too!” while eating the free twix bars. i may have. i may not.